The secret to getting rich quickly, without any effort
Reading this article will make you rich, make your pee pee bigger, and solve world hunger
Q: Okay! I am ready! So, what’s the secret? How do I get rich quickly without any effort?
A. Fuck if I know.
Q: …Huh? Why did you name this article “the secret to getting rich quickly” if you don’t know?
A. Well, you’re reading this cuz of the clickbait title, aren’t cha?
Q: You’re a dick.
A. Yep.
Q: Okay well, I don’t need to get like, rich rich, but I would like to make some money, how do I do that?
A. Work.
Q: ಠ_ಠ
A. Yeah, it sucks, I know.
Q: Do you at least have any tips for investing?
A. I do.
Q: And they are…?
A. Buy low, sell high.
Q: ಠ_ಠ
A. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Q: So what’s the point of this article, then?
A. Just a dose of reality. There’s no secret, there’s no shortcut, if it’s too good to be true it is overwhelmingly likely to be bullshit or a scam. You’ll run across all sorts of terrible articles with titles like this, and dumbasses on social media giving out asinine financial advice, pretending they have all the answers, but they’re most likely just trying to sell you something so they can make money - from you.
And maybe someday, someone will google (or ask ChatGPT) how to get rich quick, run across this article instead of one of those terrible ones, and think twice about giving up their hard earned money to one of those charlatans.
Q: Wait, so you’re saying, to make money, I can pretend that I magically know the secrets to getting rich quick, create bullshit content on social media about how rich I am and how easy it was, and use that faux clout to sell garbage courses to gullible and desperate people in order to enrich myself?
A. …Er I mean, if you want to be a terrible person… But I wouldn’t recommen—
Q: Awesome! Thanks for all the financial advice!
A. … ಠ_ಠ
Amazing! I feel richer already!
“Cartoon dog with glasses made me so rich, I’m so rich now I just sit on money instead of chairs. You should also send him money, which will also make you rich! Trust me bro!” ~misc broseph
This is all true billiam, I’m about to be 22 years old and from ages 16-20 I tried all the “get rich quick” schemes and none of them got me a single dollar if anything I lost some. So I decided I’ll just start a Substack, maybe even a YouTube and really work on it to create revenue on top of my 9-5. Do I want to work a 9-5? No, but you cant just cut out your income while you’re trying new unpromised ways of making money. Work your normal job and grind on the side.