A small act of kindness

What might feel like a small gesture can have a massive impact on someone's life

Even though sometimes guys are oblivious to all the context for this kind of thing, it sticks with us! We don’t get compliments very often.

I hosted a Twitter Spaces earlier this week, the topic being “tell a story of an unexpected act of kindness from a stranger, and how it affected you.” People shared dozens of stories and it ended up being incredibly wholesome. The story I ended up sharing in the spaces wasn’t mine - it was one of the best things I ever read on the internet, 13 years ago, which I’ll link at the end of the article - so I thought I’d share a personal story about a time when someone was unexpectedly kind to me here on my newsletter.

It’s something that has stuck with me for 20 years.

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To set up this story, I’m half Japanese, and my Japanese grandparents were in America during WWII. Japanese Americans were stripped of their belongings and placed into internment camps, and my grandparents had to live in a camp for 4 years, profoundly affecting their lives.

For a time, every year there was a gathering of the people who were interned at the camp my grandparents were interned at and their descendants - a pilgrimage, it was called - where we would stay at the college dorm near the camp and visit the few structures that remained, along with other events meant to honor their sacrifice and dignity they held through their difficult circumstances. I went multiple times, and I first went with my family when I was 14, in the summer before entering high school.

14 was a weird time for me. My parents had divorced the previous year, and while my mom and dad had joint custody, I spent the bulk of my time at my mom’s house. She worked a day shift and a night shift, so I was basically home by myself for the majority of the day. I was a tiny, shy kid - puberty didn’t really hit me until my junior year of high school - and I was very anxious around anything even mildly social. All I really spent that summer doing was playing video games, trolling people on AOL, and writing embarrassing fanfic about my favorite video games which I hope nobody ever finds.

Also relevant in this story, in the summer before entering high school, I thought that, to be less lame, I should go by a more grown-up name. So, instead of Billy, so I started attempting to go by Will. Y’know, it totally makes sense, Billy is a lame little boy’s name, Will is totally cool and mature. Like Will Smith. He was cool. And he hasn’t done anything uncool since then at all. And I was totally not just being an awkward emo kid trying to larp as a cooler kid, of course not. High school kids are super self-aware!

I asked AI to come up with an image for “Will vs Billy” and this is what it came up with. “Wily” has three hands. I don’t know either.

Anyhoo, on that first trip, one of the younger descendants decided to host a small event for us younger people who were taking part in the pilgrimage. There were about 15 of us total. The young woman who hosted the event - I’m going to call her “Carol,” which sounds right to me, though I don’t actually remember - she was probably in her early 20’s, and her boyfriend was also on the trip with her and had actually proposed on a hike the previous day, so she was having quite the week! She was energetic and had a glow about her, one of those people who radiates kindness.

The first thing she thought we should do in the event, since none of us knew each other, was an icebreaker. Here’s how it would go - since we were sitting in a circle, everybody would say their name along with a description of themselves that started with the same letter as their name. So as an example, Silly Sally, or Funny Frank. The person to their right would say the first person’s description and name and then theirs, the next person would say the first and second person’s description and name and then theirs, so on and so forth until we completed the circle.

As a hyper shy, awkward, introverted, emo kid, this was absolutely terrifying. Nothing could be worse than an icebreaker in a group of strangers! Literally the worst thing ever. I started to internally panic. What do I say? Woozle Wuzzle Will? Butthead Booger Billy? I was having an identity crisis alongside a giant brain fart, coupled with a panic attack, all at once.

The game began. First was Patti. “Perfect Patti!” She exclaimed. Everyone laughed.

I was next. “Uhmm… Okay uh… Perfect Patti. Uhmmmmmm…” I paused for a few seconds, which felt like 20 minutes, everyone looking at me. And then I just said the first thing that came to my head, something I had been called by a lot of kids before… Something I actually didn’t like being called.

“Weird Will.”

Everyone laughed. I probably grimaced. “Perfect Patti, Weird Will, Smooth Sam,” the next person said. “Perfect Patti, Weird Will, Smooth Sam, Courageous Carol.” And on and on. By the end, after hearing “Weird Will” more than dozen times, I noted that I was the only person who’s self-descriptor was even mildly negative.

And honestly, I hated being called weird. I knew I was awkward and had a hard time talking to people, and “weird” was something other kids would insult me with. Weird wasn’t cool. It meant “I don’t get you and I don’t want to get you.” It hurt. It made me feel alone and isolated. And I think my discomfort at all these strangers calling me weird again - which, of course, was my own self-descriptor, but still - must have been evident.

I asked AI to make a “nerdy awkward weird emo kid” and… It made me at 14. Though with cooler hair. But still. I’m shook.

The rest of the event was pretty awkward for me, and for the most part I stayed quiet - the others talked about their grandparents and the effect the internment had on their families, and shared sad stories and funny stories and cried and laughed and overall it was a really successful, cathartic event for everyone else - but for me I was already so embarrassed and felt so awkward, I kinda just wanted to run away back to my dorm room and hide forever the whole time.

After the event, there was dinner and some fun workshops, like learning how to play Taiko Drums, which I enjoyed - it was certainly much less awkward for me to hit some loud drums than talk to people in a group! I finished the workshop and headed back to the dorm.

But before I got to my room, I ran across Carol, who was headed to her room a few doors from mine.

“Hi Will!” she exclaimed, in a friendly voice.

Not used to anyone paying any attention to me, I managed to meeky respond with “…H… Hi?,” before walking away toward my room, immediately looking at the floor again, which was my usual walking posture.

She started entering her room, but then paused, and stuck her head out from the half-open door.

“Hey Will?”

Surprised, I stopped and spun around.

“…Er, yeah?”

She paused, and said, softly and kindly, some words I’ll never forget:

“I don’t think you’re weird.”

She gave me a slight smile and waved, and slowly closed her door.

I stood there for a bit, dumbfounded, as no one really gave me any compliment before. Then I started walking to my dorm room, still staring at the floor, but this time with a smile on my face.

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This small gesture of kindness is something I still strongly remember 20 years later. You never know how meaningful a small act of kindness can be - she probably doesn’t even remember it. And now that I’m older and lamer, I’m totally okay with how weird I am! But I wasn’t, back then. And she could just tell, and thought she’d try to make me feel better, just because. And it worked! Thank you, Carol. That small gesture meant a lot to me.

Finally, I’d like to share the story I mentioned earlier - one of my favorite things on the internet. It’s absolutely worth a read: A short story about the impact of the kindness of strangers.